wakey wakey hands off snakey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
