boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
