man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize