It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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