Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
