okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry about my life...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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