Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
