mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize