hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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