my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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