I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
