I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my being single is dangerous.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
