my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
