I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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