The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
