best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
