you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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