I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
