Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
