don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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