Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
