I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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