i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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