You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize