After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
