So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
