She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
