Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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