omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My cat gives me a boner
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize