Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
