True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
