It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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