I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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