I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
