I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
