So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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