we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
