all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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