Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
