Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize