im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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