your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
