I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
