JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
