Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
