So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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