Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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