Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
