We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
