i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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