It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
