I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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