Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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