so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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