He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
