I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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