Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
