How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
