as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
