new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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