My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
