its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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