Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
