Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
