You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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