can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
