Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
