Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
