it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
