I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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