I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
