to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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