Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
