he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
