everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
me + whiskey = a bad person
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize