if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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