how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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