I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
