you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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