One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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