On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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