Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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