I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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