Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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