carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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