We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
