I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
